My 2011 in retrospect

Well, I haven't blogged on here in a while, but I thought it was time to do a recap of my 2011. Better late than never they say.

2011 was uneventful as it usually was. In January, like every year, my parents went on their annual vacation. My grandpa died during their first week of the vacation. Since there were no flights back to Canada until a week later, they stayed in Mexico until the vacation was over. The good thing though that lots of my dad's siblings were with him in Mexico that week, so at least family got to be together. It seems like the entire family doesn't really all get together much anymore, unless if there's a death or a wedding really.

In February my girlfriend broke up with me. It was all my fault, we had our worst fight yet, especially after having several months of no fights.. but as they say, calm before the storm. She is better off with someone else anyways. I didn't want her to be dating a loser with no job and no future. She was my best friend too, so it was hard no longer having her in my life even as a friend.

The spring had some serious flooding at the farm, in the 20 some years the farm has been there, I've seen some flooding, but nothing that extreme. My dad wasn't able to do anything for the entire summer due to it.

I had a job interview every week during the summer. However, I am still unemployed. My anxiety got worse, and I shake during interviews because I'm too nervous. I got help from local job agencies, but that never seemed to work.

During one interview, they told me I didn't appear to be physically fit to do the job. The job being a desk job. THAT pissed me off beyond belief. That said, that also pushed me to make major changes in my life. I cut down on beer, and pushed myself to exercise. I started to exercise on and off starting in June, but when the Winnipeg Jets started playing their exhibition game, that's when I started to really exercise. Every Winnipeg Jets game, I would exercise for 45 min to an hour while watching the game. Now it's end of February 2012, and I lost FOURTY pounds since September 2011.

Look, I still feel depressed. It's harder in a place like Brandon where decent employment for a university grad is scarce. I still wish I was dead like I always have, since I was 5-6 years old.. but I do feel better about myself. I used to get stress related chest pains whenever I would think about employment or anything of the like. Now? It's gone. My physical health is much better.

What am I hoping for 2012? I need to start working. I graduated with a BA in June 2009 and I haven't had a paid job since. I volunteered more than enough, went to dozens of job interviews and still feel like I'm not good enough for a job, even when I'm actually confident in an interview.

I work hard, I am stubborn but I get my work done, I like to keep busy, so sitting in a basement in a crappy apartment just makes me even more depressed. I'm sick of being infront of a computer 18 hours a day looking for a job. I wish I COULD afford to move to Ottawa or Quebec and work fulltime, hell even 50 hour a week is better than sitting infront of my computer wishing I had something to do.

I have a roommate who just won't leave me alone, he's a nice guy, but I'm a bit of a loner now days. He always talks to himself, and walks in my room without asking if I don't respond to him. My temper's getting bad and I feel about it, but I need my own space. I'm sick of having to clean up other peoples messes, the smell of burnt baking pan covered in grease and dried crap (never being clean), sick of being the only person who ever takes out the trash, etc. I can't wait to finally find employment and move on with my life, like eff... I'm nearly 27.