I just don't know

It's been two years since I graduated university. Two years ago, I was confident, I was giddy, I was happy somewhat and I had great friends supporting me. Now - I'm exactly where I was then. This time I'm pessimistic, grouchy and depressed, and all my friends have moved away. Every day I think to myself "oh, things will get better soon, they just have to." But, that's just not happening. It's been nearly 3 years since I had a real job, a good job. Two years since graduation and I can't even see myself employed in the next 6 months.

What have I learned from all this. In university, keep a level head. When people go wow, you're going to be successful because you're taking a double major! Just stay calm and carry on, don't agree with them. My biggest regret? Majoring in politics. That was a huuuuuge mistake. I was told that there'd be several jobs out there for me, and with my French background, that would help. I've learned that there's very few bilingual political science jobs out there. The ones I do apply, apparently I don't quality for them as I am not qualified enough. I point out exactly how I qualify, and that's not good enough. Nothing's good enough.

In a perfect world, I would be living in Downtown Montréal right now, with a full time job making $50,000/year. What industry? I don't know. I lost interest in politics as I've been pushed around way too much in the industry that it's just not worth it anymore. Frankly, I'm not going to kiss anyone's ass, and I'm an incredibly friendly person. The beer industry would be something great, but I just don't have experience and I don't know where to look.

Some say to me "Well, just move out there and get a job when you get there." The problem with that though is that I don't want to be in the situation I am now, but in a different city, paying much more in rent and other stuff. At least here I'm close to family, able to live off minimal money.

My French is not perfect, may never be perfect. I remember overhearing people in a different department at my job in Quebec City criticizing my French behind my back, thinking I wouldn't understand them. It's things like that that depress me further. It brings me into this slump that I am in now. How am I trying to get out of this slump? Well I've had meetings with an employment councillor to see what I need to improve on, I've been exercising daily - although nothing's changed, tried to be positive, changed my diet as much as I can, and go out more. It's hard to do some of that when you have no money.

Some say "take a random job, just for now." That's kind of hard when you don't hear back from anyone, including restaurants. I AM a hard worker, I'm good at my job, I'm confident that I get the job done. I'm more stubborn than most, but give me a deadline and I'll get it done, quickly, efficiently and correctly.

Where do I see myself in 6 months? Exact same spot as am right now. Where do I hope to be in 6 months? Montreal, Quebec City, Ottawa or even Toronto... Winnipeg if there was something great.

I truly believe I'll find an amazing job, but I just got to keep trying - which is exactly what I've been doing. Some of my weaknesses are that I nearly pass out during an interview because I get overstressed because my mind thinks I won't get the job, which is true in the end, I'm stubborn - but I work hard at what I do, and I'm bad with communicating with people - but that's something that I can't change, training and medication can't improve that, it's sort of a disability per sé.

I just hope for the best and try my hardest, just as I've done for two years. One thing I've stopped doing - applying for civil service jobs. They're laying off thousands of people soon, and those job opportunities are the biggest letdowns ever.